Friday, September 19, 2008

Open Letters

Dear CitiBank,

I won't be paying my mortgage this month. The federal government will be happy to pay it for me. All you have to do is take on too much debt, be on the verge of foreign takeover and the federal government will magically have several trillion dollars to help pay for my mortgage.

Also, since I already pay taxes, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be paying for this house anyways. If you could please send me the deed to the house, I will consider this matter closed.


The Sunshine-y One

Dear Visa,

I'm going to skip my payment this month in an effort to get the credit card industry "rescued" by the federal government. Granted, I used that money to buy things that I wanted, but I just don't think I should have to pay it back.

So, ask Secretary Paulson to fork over my share of the credit mess.

Thanks so much,


Dear AIG,

I didn't really want to pay for everyone else's insurance, however, it is destined that you too are going to be run and owned by the federal government.

Since I faithfully pay my taxes, I will expect some of the shares of AIG. Since I'm a tax payer, and the government, which I hire, bought you, I now own part of you. You can send my 1/180,000,000 part of the share to Visa. That should square everything up.

Very truly yours,


Dear Treasurey Secretary Paulson,

I just wanted to drop you a line about how much I appreciate your interference in the U.S. economy. Especially since, as a non-elected official you are not required to run for any type of re-election, why not spend over 3 trillion dollars of tax payer money? Good for you.

If I was Heidi, you'd be auf'd.

Very appreciatively yours,


Dear President George W. Bush,

I have always defended you. Even though I hated A LOT of the legislation that you signed into law, mainly McCain Feingold, I stood up for you. You have been pretty good with the War on Terror. We're winning in Iraq. There are some great things happening over there. Yeah.

But this disasator of a bail out program is a horrible idea. First with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, who got themselves into that mess with the help of Congress, then with AIG. Oh, and you put your foot down with Lehman Bros, yeah right. But now with approving the funding of banks bad debt. You have got to be kidding. Enough! This is Congress' fault because people were allowed loans they couldn't have afforded. But no. Let's just go ahead and take over the mortgages too.

I'm now actually convinced that John McCain is the right sort of guy for this time.

Adios Partner,


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